on again off again

Well....
Thanksgving has come and gone. So has Chistmas. And in between the two, K's son. Guess he decided he wasn't ready to get his life together after all..or something.

Hope all of you have had a wonderful Holiday season. I've been following along in your blogs, just haven't had the energy to post here I guess.

I've been dealing with alot of depression. Seems I find hope or a hint of happier times on the horizon and it goes.

I had renters in the old house, which meant I could get back to ttc next month..I thought. Well the renters went out of town on a family emergency and it looks like they aren't coming back. Which means no $600 rent coming next month which means no money for swimmers, ultrasounds and trigger shots. I wonder if God is telling me something since AF decided to put in a repeat appearance today. 15 days after her last one. I know there is no way I O'd on cd 1 last time so I'm wondering how to count this one. It seems like everytime I decide to try again after taking a break, my body goes haywire on me. Been regular as can be for 6 months now....

We were hoping to come up with money despite the disappearing renters. They're relatives of K's and left alot behind. She's saying she's going to sell it to pay the bills they also left behind, and put toward ttc. Time will tell if that actually happens or not. The suspicion is that they went back to Phoenix and the drugs, which means we won't see them again until they want something from us. I bet you can guess what my answer will be.

I'm feeling a stonger and stronger pull towards adopting...specifically adopting from Ethiopia. But I don't even know if that's a possibility for me. I'm afraid of telling my self that adoption of any kind is an option. I'm doubtful I can meet anybody's requirements. I have alot of love paitence and dedication to give to a child, but not alot of money or material goods. although if can find an agency willing to take into consideration the fact that there will be a trust fund for any child of mine from day one, then there is hope. Unfortunately, the money for that fund can't be accessed to make a baby.

Anyway, sorry for the long absence then the dreary post. Here's to a brighter and blessed 2009 for everyone. And I'll keep you posted..I mean it this time.

Wow, it's been a while.

Things have been busy here. we're finally settled (well almost) into the new house. We have a new fur baby - a 12 week old purebred chocolate lab. I've never had a purebred before, but we plan to breed her when she's 2 and right now she's all fun, snuggles and chewed shoes. In about a week K's middle son will be living with us to try and get a new start on life. He's 21 and has always been our troubled child..also the one who i developed and instant soft spot for the first time I looked into those 13 yo big brown eyes.

On the mommyhood front. We've finishe foster classes but will wait till J gets out and on his home before having the homestudy. Meanwhile...drumroll......

I'm jumping back on the TTC train in Jan. !!! I've rented out the old house which frees us finances somewhat so I'll be able to afford a few more trys. I'll probably have to go through a whole nother round of testing since I'm now a year older, but hopefully this will be the time.

I've been keeping up on everyones blogs and you are all in my prayers. T and especially L get extra prayers these days.
love to all.