The more things change

Lots of changes here. I went to Arizona for 6 days, it was a nice break. The day after I got back J started exibiting signs of altered mental status. I took her into the ER and she had a uti which can cause altered status in the elderly. She never quite come out of it. The family left everything up to me and just after I found her a placement in a memory care center, they changed the plan and decided that K's brother and his partner would get an apt and take her to live with them.
Which changes alot of things for me....loss of income to put towards a baby, K now doesn't have to feel guilty for not being here (her words not mine), which probably means she won't ever be here even to visit. (I know L, perfect time to put your advice to work, and I'm going to really try). And I now have a huge empty 4 bedroom house. K and I picked this house out together, I probably wouldn't have ever bought it had I know she was going to flake in less than a year. Family emeshment is a powerful thing I guess and I'm realizing she's not going to be able to get and stay seperate from them at least until her mom is gone, maybe not even then.

that leaves me alone...I mean truly alone. I let all my friendships drift away after we got together so literally the only people I have here are K and her family. I don't even know how to start developing a support network. I think right now my self esteem and confidence are so shot, it's scary to even try to get out and meet people.

I need to get rid of the couches that the puppy chewed up, but can't get them to the dump trailer alone. I really need to conserve finances since I'm back down to living on $700 a month. So paying someone to do anything is kinda out.

I want to be an independant woman and be able to finish the repairs on the house and do the yard and everything all by myself, but I'm just not sure if I can.

I guess doing one small thing at a time is better than doing nothing at all.

A little update

finally sold the van! now i can pay off most of the bills they left. I basically have put my foot down - don't fall over L - and told everyone that they and their stuff has to be out of the trailer by the 20th, that gives me 10 days to get everything fixed and hopefully list it july 1st.

My neice T, just gave me a great-neice (I'm way to young to be great!) Alaya Nicole, who is as pretty as her mama. And yes it's hard for me to deal with her having #2 while I'm still waiting for #1. On that fron't I'm going to hopefully TTC mid june using a donor from Canada that I found through a yahoo group. I have to buy a biotranz kit and send it to him, SOON.

My birthday is tomorrow which the last few years just depresses me because it's one year older and less fertile.

And for my rant today: I cannot believe that octo-witch is getting a show! That woman deserves a CPS investigation, not a paycheck!

okay..i'm done
love to my 2 loyal readers and any lurkers who happen by.