Wednesday, September 30, 2009

More of the same

Well it's happening again. K's famously cruel friend has struck me another blow, and of course K blindly goes along. Why do I hang onto someone who obviously doesn't mean it when she calls me twice a day and says I love you? simple, if I didn't I would truly have NO ONE else in this town. I have no friends here and my friends from before here I've lost contact with over the last 10 years. I had hoped that doing agility with the pup would help me meet people, but so far not much in the way of frienships has developed.

We're all supposed to be going to Reno this Sunday. K, her friend and I were in the same room. The plan was for K and I to share one bed so the friend (who said she wanted to sleep alone) could have the other bed. In fact the friend - who's very bossy (not to mention a master liar and manipulator) is the one that said "K and E can share one bed....."
Now this week she told K that she(K) was sleeping with her. K told her no she was sleeping with me and the friend told her she can't. So what did K do....went along with her friend! this woman knows the sensitive nature of mine and K's relationship. She constantly puts K in a position to choose - usually a LOT more subtle than this - and then shoves it in my face , very subtly of course, constantly. K doesn't pick up on subtle things, never has, which is why this woman can be cruel right in front of people and come off smelling like a rose. If I get my feelings hurt is cause I'm too sensitive cause "she was just joking"

So what do I do? I really don't want to spend my vaction being made to feel bad. I don't know if I can stand being in the same room with them. But i don't want to give up a hundred dollar deposit and let everyone have a good time on my (partial) dime.

Monday, September 28, 2009

BFN...I give up. I can't afford to try anymore. Because of all the money i spent on trying, i won't be able to pay my property taxes this year. I give up on everything. Why am I even here?

Monday, September 7, 2009

Well..I've decided to give it another shot. This time I'm going back to swimmers from NW. I'm a little hurt by the forum there these days..the last time I posted it got over 50 veiws and not one response...so much for peer support eh? At least I met a faithful few there. Especially T who has supported me unwavering, and who I hope knows that she means alot to me and has given me hope when i was ready to give up so many times. Thanks.

L- I hope things are settling and that we can catch up soon, i miss your laugh.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

to whom it may concern

BFN..after much hope and prayer and AF being late, creating more hope that the stick was wrong. I'm quickly approaching the giving up on everything phase. Why bother being kind and helpful and hoping for a karmic break in this life when it all keeps biting me in the a** time after time? I must've really pissed off someone in a past life...

God is great (even if it seems he hates me)...beer is (really) good (tonight) and people (especially me) are crazy.