tainted gold

got the house, but my house isn't sold after all...things are going to be tight for awhile, but I don't want to lose the new one. In other news BFN. I'm not sure where to go next. there won't be any money to try again for who knows how long and I'm getting older by the second. I've cried for 2 days now.

finally coming together?

Things have been really busy. We found the perfect house...it's not 5 acres but the house is much better than the 5 acre one. The yard is a good size for the puppies and it has....GRASS! Real live green grass..not like the dirt and scrub that, unless you have money for a professional gardener, most yards end up with here. We put in an offer that we were sure they'd take, 5000 or so higher than the other offer that went in the same day. They countered back to BOTH. Pins and needles here. It looks like my house is sold..the woman won't have the money (USDA loan) for 60 to 90 days but wants to rent from me until then. That's possible if I get this place, but until then I have to live here. And for those inquiring minds, yes K is planning on coming home to the new house. What's nice is it's actually in a diffrent town..still only 20 minutes away but it feels alot farther.

On the baby front. 6/7 had ultrasound- one 22-23 follicle one 15 and a few 12's. Doc said go ahead and trigger. That was a comedy with K trying to give me the shot. She forgot to hold the skin tight the first time and to quote her "OMG it bounced off!" She was scared to do it after that, but finally did. OW those things hurt, the needle is huge! 6/8 (Sunday) we go for the IUI the doc comes in and says there are at least 50 million swimmers in the sample!!! YAY! he said "This one's definiately a stud not a dud".
Fast forward one week, I'm having pinchy type pains on the left side and middle of my abdomen. I keep trying to tell my self it's not implantation, just gas. But it's hard not to hope.

Maybe things are finally going to turn my way. Maybe I'll be get to be happy now!

Happy Birthday to me

It's been such and up and down week. S decided last Thurs that she didn't like the couple she was supposed to be giving the baby to, so she backed out. Then she approached K who actually went to see and hold the baby. Big mistake. I could've held and saw her too, but I told K that if she was going to be my daughter, I wanted to be with her every second in NICU, but if she's not I don't want to see her or know anything. We offered them our terms for a legal adoption, in writing. Right now it looks like they've found a new highest bidder. K has been crying and raging since Sunday. I've been crying, but glad I didn't see her.

Today I turned 41 - yuck. I have to say though that K and her family really took me by surprise. They had a party for me complete with cake presents and cards. In the 7 years we've been together I have never gotten a party or presents and cards from any of them but K. It made me very weepy. K was very sweet and loving and gave me a card that basically said "I love you very much and always will" She whispered to me as I was leaving "I meant what the card said, read it again." Again made me cry. The two of us laughed alot today which was nice and M and S stayed in their room during my party - which was also nice since I don't want to be around them right now.

I get back on the TTC train this week and will be doing ultrasounds and trigger shot for the first time..now to decide - quickly - which donor to use. I realized today that I have to order tomorrow and hope they can get it here by friday. YIKES! Hopefully if I order first thing in the AM they can do it.

That's all for now folks....