Well the garage sale this weekend netted about 270. I can pay the electric bill off at least.
K's mom is still loudly not speaking to me and is in fact trying to make my life with J as difficult as possible. I'm not allowed to bring J there when I need to go anywhere whether K is there or not.
Everyone agrees it's not right, but nobody will take a stand. they all talk about what a bitch she is when she's not around then go over there and smile and laugh and act like she's not doing this.
Of course I'd love it if K would just tell her off and walk out, but I know that's not likely, she's not strong enough to do that yet. And I don't have faith that she'd do it if she could actually.
Not sure if we are going to be able to do the sale next weekend or not. I'm hoping so.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
For Sale
starting yesterday and going at least through tomorrow, and maybe next weekend, M&S's stuff is being sold at a yard sale. I guess that's a positive thing I'm doing, although the way K's mom blasted me when I walked in the door to drop J off (K is watching her while I do the sale) you would think I had robbed M&S's blind and waited 5 minutes instead of 5 months to sell off their stuff. Everyone tells me to ignore her but it's hard. I mean what does she expect me to do? Keep the house trashed and full of their junk indefinately I guess. At least this afternoon when I picked J up, she wasn't yelling at me anymore, but boy her silence spoke loudly! I'm trying not to care, but it's difficult. I'm so sick of the "It's just E, so it's okay to screw her over" attitude.
and for my 2 loyal followers, no this doesn't mean the situation with K has changed, she was supportive enough to tell her mom to shut up and to tell me that I'm not wrong, but that's all.
And L- having to take J over there is one of those things that I meant makes a clean break so hard.
Thanks for the support guys....it means so much more than you could ever know.
By the way, I've made over $100 so far at the yard sale, another 400 would pay off the bills and maybe go a little way toward repairs.
and for my 2 loyal followers, no this doesn't mean the situation with K has changed, she was supportive enough to tell her mom to shut up and to tell me that I'm not wrong, but that's all.
And L- having to take J over there is one of those things that I meant makes a clean break so hard.
Thanks for the support guys....it means so much more than you could ever know.
By the way, I've made over $100 so far at the yard sale, another 400 would pay off the bills and maybe go a little way toward repairs.
Friday, May 8, 2009
the other shoe
this isn't going to be long, because I'm still trying to process and get my head around things. The other shoe has dropped. And it was basically what I'd expected. Damn I hate being right.
K is now living in 2 places, "part time" here and her mom's. She told me "It's not you, I'm just not happy here and I don't know why." Plus she's decided that she's still in love with her mega loser ex who she's been divorced from for 17 years, and needs to know if there's anything there. I told her if she's feeling that strongly then she needs to find out and to just be sure it's the person he is today and not what once was that she loves.
I'm trying to be supportive and all, because for some reason I just love her unconditionally. Not as the "married" partners we were for 6 years, but just as a person. Why I love her after all the heartache and misery she's put me through in the last year and a half, i haven't a clue. I guess I'm just a fool.
K is now living in 2 places, "part time" here and her mom's. She told me "It's not you, I'm just not happy here and I don't know why." Plus she's decided that she's still in love with her mega loser ex who she's been divorced from for 17 years, and needs to know if there's anything there. I told her if she's feeling that strongly then she needs to find out and to just be sure it's the person he is today and not what once was that she loves.
I'm trying to be supportive and all, because for some reason I just love her unconditionally. Not as the "married" partners we were for 6 years, but just as a person. Why I love her after all the heartache and misery she's put me through in the last year and a half, i haven't a clue. I guess I'm just a fool.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
As requested
since L so sweetly asked, tho she may regret it, here is an update for what it's worth
My life has been a series of dashed hopes and disappointments. Insecurity, fear, and waiting for shoes to drop.
I thought i had it all figured out. I thought it was finally my turn for some happiness. Fate seems to have other ideas.
let's see...I was planning on trying to get back to TTC in Jan, but the finances just weren't there. The stupid house is still unsold and full of Mike and Sydia's junk. I tried to sell the van they left, but without keys no one wants to buy it. Having a title to a vehicle with no keys is worthless. I want to have a garage sale and just open the doors to the house and say "everything goes including the house..make me an offer" Of course with the economy I can't get what I need to out of it right now.
K's aunt has been in an adult foster home for a few years now. After much discussion and promises of help from the family and K's reassurance that I wouldn't be doing it alone, I got licensed as a limited adult foster home. J moved in the first of April, then coded in my arms on the third at her dr's office. She came home from the hospital on the 9th. Now this is a 71 y.o. developmentally disabled and mentally ill woman who probably has only a year or so left and who respects no one, demands everything, and acts like a naughty 5 year old alot of the time. for example, she's decided if she doesn't eat at home someone will buy her McDonalds. Her Dr and Mental health professionals assure us this is a behavioral not medical thing and we shouldn't indulge her. They have been proven right. It's a 24 hour job. J "punishes" if I don't give her her way by yelling into the baby monitor at night, between 2-3am seem to be her favorite times. And the family has taken the "it's your job" stance now. (K's mom, who is J's sister actually said "I'm not a damn babysitter" when I needed to leave J with her for an hour one day)
Why would I take this on, you ask? Because the other place was neglecting her (not giving her her lasix which was the cause of her coding from massive fluid build up on her heart) and it was supposed to pay close to 3,000 a month. Money for the mortgage and to save for IVF. Unfortunately that money has been cut for some unknown reason by almost 1000. Kinda cuts into the baby fund - by the time I have enough, I'll be too old and it will be too late.
As for K...well she's been finding excuses to stay at her mom's for longer and longer periods and has been home 3 days this week after going for "one night" and staying 5. she's now gone again(since friday). She's been acting very distant and weird too. I have a feeling she's planning to move out again, tho she hasn't said. The deal was I pay all the bills in exchange for her doing J's laundry and showers and helping with the regular household stuff. So far it hasn't been that way. I guess I should be happy she called tonight to say goodnight, huh?
I'm feeling very angry right now and very hopeless. Why don't I ever have anything good that lasts? Is that my purpose for being here..to make sure everyone else gets what they want and is taken care of while having nothing for myself?
Well my dearest L, you asked. I love you and miss you so much. And to anyone else who reads this..thanks for listening.
My life has been a series of dashed hopes and disappointments. Insecurity, fear, and waiting for shoes to drop.
I thought i had it all figured out. I thought it was finally my turn for some happiness. Fate seems to have other ideas.
let's see...I was planning on trying to get back to TTC in Jan, but the finances just weren't there. The stupid house is still unsold and full of Mike and Sydia's junk. I tried to sell the van they left, but without keys no one wants to buy it. Having a title to a vehicle with no keys is worthless. I want to have a garage sale and just open the doors to the house and say "everything goes including the house..make me an offer" Of course with the economy I can't get what I need to out of it right now.
K's aunt has been in an adult foster home for a few years now. After much discussion and promises of help from the family and K's reassurance that I wouldn't be doing it alone, I got licensed as a limited adult foster home. J moved in the first of April, then coded in my arms on the third at her dr's office. She came home from the hospital on the 9th. Now this is a 71 y.o. developmentally disabled and mentally ill woman who probably has only a year or so left and who respects no one, demands everything, and acts like a naughty 5 year old alot of the time. for example, she's decided if she doesn't eat at home someone will buy her McDonalds. Her Dr and Mental health professionals assure us this is a behavioral not medical thing and we shouldn't indulge her. They have been proven right. It's a 24 hour job. J "punishes" if I don't give her her way by yelling into the baby monitor at night, between 2-3am seem to be her favorite times. And the family has taken the "it's your job" stance now. (K's mom, who is J's sister actually said "I'm not a damn babysitter" when I needed to leave J with her for an hour one day)
Why would I take this on, you ask? Because the other place was neglecting her (not giving her her lasix which was the cause of her coding from massive fluid build up on her heart) and it was supposed to pay close to 3,000 a month. Money for the mortgage and to save for IVF. Unfortunately that money has been cut for some unknown reason by almost 1000. Kinda cuts into the baby fund - by the time I have enough, I'll be too old and it will be too late.
As for K...well she's been finding excuses to stay at her mom's for longer and longer periods and has been home 3 days this week after going for "one night" and staying 5. she's now gone again(since friday). She's been acting very distant and weird too. I have a feeling she's planning to move out again, tho she hasn't said. The deal was I pay all the bills in exchange for her doing J's laundry and showers and helping with the regular household stuff. So far it hasn't been that way. I guess I should be happy she called tonight to say goodnight, huh?
I'm feeling very angry right now and very hopeless. Why don't I ever have anything good that lasts? Is that my purpose for being here..to make sure everyone else gets what they want and is taken care of while having nothing for myself?
Well my dearest L, you asked. I love you and miss you so much. And to anyone else who reads this..thanks for listening.
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