Well let see...
I AI'd last Sat. I think I O'd last Monday and last Thurs i started bleeding..who knows what the heck is going on. I'm stressed and depressed and trying to figure out which direction to go in with pretty much my whole life. Where to go when I sell the house. Why K is still friends with the witch and still staying out there when she could stay at her aunts.
She bought me a carseat yesterday. That's kinda confusing. She says it's so I'll be ready for my home study when the time comes. So I of course bought a stroller.
S is in labor as we speak..she approached me again about adopting it. But there are limited funds and I need to make sure it's all legal. She's done this before so she claims all we have to do is go before a judge and she'll give up her rights and then from there I can apply to adopt. I'm sure it has to be more complicated than that. She'd be happy if baby selling was legal. Then she could just get handed money and hand me the baby. Actually at this point I'd be happy if it was that simple.
Anyway the whole thing is excruciating. I feel like I'm at my wits end with everything and everyone. I guess things will work out how they supposed to. I think I'm just afraid that supposed to and my heart are very diffrent things.
I'm tired of being down. I'm tired of having only depressing things to write in my blog, which is why there are so few entrys lately. And thanks T for always having encouraging words for me. You're one of the things keeping me going right now.
8 comments:
Aww, sweetie, you're going through a lot and it's okay to be down about it. It's gonna get better. You're so strong and you're a fighter. Hang in there sweetie!
I'm so sorry you are going through this. You have my support for what it's worth.
Hi my name is Mikki. On NW Chatroom I am Henrietta. I know a little of how you are feeling and where you are coming from. Good or bad feelings need expression; they must be recognized and given freedom to reveal themselves. It isn't wise to hide behind a smile when your heart is breaking; that is not being true to how you feel inside. I have learned by letting out your feelings, your pain is released, and you are able to gon on to reconstruct your life and think of other things that will make you happy again. Put away the myth that says you must be strong enught to face the whole world with a smile and a brave attitude all of the time. You have your feelings that say otherwise, so admit that they are there. Use their healing power to put the past behind you, and realize that those expresive stirrings in your heart are very muc a part of you. Use them to get better, and find peace within, to be true to yourself. I have come to realize many things since I connected to NW Cryo Chat; One is that we have the opportunity to meet people we never would have met otherwise. Thoughtful, kind and helpful people. We get to know these people, not by their looks or by their touch, but by their heart and soul. If we had met any of these people on the street, we may not have given them a second glance. or, maybe we woul have looked at them and said some unkind remark without ever having known the real person ont he inside. This is a very sad thing. I have met many people on the chatroom who have truly touched my heart in many ways, and have made me a much better person. Wouldn't it be something if the whole world could be touched like this? To get to know each other in ways they would never have thought possible? I truly believe if they did, there would be no lonely, disheartened, depressed or disillusioned people. I can see that you are troubled, a friend can always tell. I'm sure I'll never understand exactly how you feel, I only hope you know that my concern for you is real. i wish that there was something helpful I could do to take away the burdent hat is weighing down on you. Although I cannot fix things, this I can extend, my loving thoughts and my heartfelt prayers. I am glad I got to know you on NW chatroom. May you always have an angel by your side watching out for you in all the things you do reminding you to keep believing in brighter days finding ways for your wiches and drams to take you to beautiful places. May you always have love and comfort and courage and may an angel be by your side someone there to catch you if you fall encouraging your dreams inspiring your happiness holding your hand and helping you through it all. In all our days, our lives are always changing. Tears come along as well as smiles along the roads you travel, may the miles be a thousand times more lovely than lonely. May angels give you the kind of gifts that never, ever end; someone wonderful to love and a dear friend in whom you can confide. May you have rainbows after every storm, may you have hope to keep you warm and may God bless you with a baby. Always remember you have lots of friends at NW Chatroom. I for one am glad to know you.
When you feel the most alone, remember that there are those that truly do care. We may not be in the next room but that doesn't mean we aren't close in spirit.
There are many that care and are here for you, lean on us when you need it, that's what we're here for!!
I hope things start looking up for you soon. I know you don't know me but if there is anything I can do let me know. I am a very good listener.
I wish I could help cheer you up- baby dust to you. Hang in there.
shoot! i had to delete last post because i forgot to sign it with name you would recognize.
Anyhow,
What it saud was to hang in there and vent when you need to because that helps!
Keep us updated.
Lo. aka faith (nw forum)
Post a Comment