Mixed

I had custody of K's great nieces, now aged 10 and 11 for almost 2 years. They went back to live with their mom, who supposedly had gotten off drugs and cleaned up her life, last September. Well within a month they were living in a cheap hotel room, not in school, and mom was using. They were in AZ and I'm in OR so I couldn't just go grab them like I wanted to. Apparently a few months ago the State was going to step in so they were whisked off to live with a great Uncle that I didn't know existed until it happened. Losing the girls felt like part of my heart was ripped out and I have been really angry and feeling like I let them down ever since.

Today I got a phone call. Apparently the mom is in huge trouble for welfare fraud and tax fraud and the police are not only looking for her (I have no idea where she is, but the girls aren't with her) but also for the girls. Now all of K's family wants to go get them and bring them up here to live with me again. Which is fine, I love them and they will always have a home with me. The main problem is that I can't afford to financially support them right now. When they were here before they got medical benifits from the state, but I was told because I'm not related by blood or legal marriage that I couldn't get any cash assistance for them. I was also told I should try to have myself made their foster mom then I could get some financial help as a foster parent. I'm not sure how to go about doing that with kids that are already in my home - or will be soon.

Also I feel a little used by the family. These people have never extended a hand to help or support me unless they wanted something from me. Today felt the same, all of a sudden it was "what needs to be done on the house in the next few days so you can sell it and get a 3 bedroom?" When I've been trying for weeks to get help and everyone's been too busy or things come up.

I'm really feeling mixed. Happy to maybe be getting my girls back, but hurt and angry over feeling used.